The Size of Your Ring Equals His Love

Congratulations, you’re engaged!!  After all, you’ve been preparing for this day ever since you were six years old.  Don’t you remember walking your Barbie doll down the aisle to an awaiting Ken, while your teddy bears sat on the sidelines sharing your bliss? As soon as he bends down on one knee, slides those carats on your outstretched hand and asks, “Will you marry me?” you silently wish he’d hurry up so you can share the news with any and everyone who will listen.  Oh but wait, you’re also sizing-up the ring like an experienced jeweler wondering how much he paid for this shimmering block of ice.

I decided to write this after almost regurgitating my breakfast when I came across a picture on social media of a newly engaged female.  The picture was of her ring-adorned finger and the caption read “Let me show you how happy I am!” You’ve gotta be kidding me!  Matter of fact, I’m feeling nauseous all over again.  Does the size of your rock equal his love for you?  We can’t be this superficial.  Don’t get me wrong, every woman wants to adorn a rock so big rock that she needs to build a shelf attached to her arm just to hold it up.  But don’t get it twisted and start measuring love with material things.  This is a sure recipe for disaster and I’m sure if your fiancé was privy to your Barbie-girl way of thinking, he’d dump you quicker than a New York minute.

What if your man isn’t a six-figure, investment having, mortgage living, pension accumulating type of man?  Are you expecting him to go broke buying you a huge rock just so you can get approval from “those” women?   As for me, I don’t let my mind wander off from realistically knowing whom I’m dating.  I know that his spending habits will reflect his income and I can’t expect anything more unless or until he starts making more.  At some point in a woman’s life, she has to put the gibberish her mother told her and what society endorses in with the bath water and watch it go down the drain.  Its Ok ladies, reality isn’t that bad!

So, for all of you ladies flaunting your ring as a Standard and Poor’s rating, please find a deserted island and stay there because you are giving us all a bad reputation.  I wish you all the best of luck!  Smooches Dolls

Past, Present, and Future

            Don’t you hate it when your partner makes your past indiscretions, your present and future? He holds you liable for something you did before him and decides to make it all about him? Then without notice, you find yourself trying to remember something that happened a very long time ago? You also find yourself explaining things that have nothing to do with your present or your future because like I said, it’s in your past!! Ummm excuse me for screaming. LOL

            Why is it that men want to see you as perfect? They create this facade and then expect you to live up to this carefully manufactured woman who stands on a pedestal, is unflawed and defecates flowers? How many of you have been in this predicament? What did you do? Let me tell you what I did…..

            I’m going to be honest. Love will have you doing things that are uncharacteristically you.  Initially, I thought I was at fault for hurting him. I tried to explain myself. My voice even changed to some sing-songy type falsetto that was sugary sweet and could probably be turned into a Keith Sweat hit: complete with whining and everything. Then I woke up!

            My past is my past. Your past is your past. Why should it matter what you did prior to your current relationship? I’m just skimming the surface on this topic but I extend this conversation to include if the woman was a stripper, prostitute or ‘round the way sticking tool. It’s her past!!

            I’ve learned that men are afforded many free-passes. They can come to a woman with a past so sordid, you think about taking an STI test just to talk on the phone. As women, we are expected to be akin to Mary. We have to be pure or very close to it, the less children the better (even though men have more than one baby momma), and please don’t tell him you’re not a virgin (tip: remain abstinent for at least nine months prior to this judgmental man, that way you can say you’re a born again virgin. LOL).

            My point is: Why Does Her Past Matter? Why are men so consumed with what she’s done in her past instead of focusing on how those incidents made her the lovable woman she is today? I’ll tell you what. Keep focusing on a woman’s past and watch your present and future situation….without her! Take that! *drops mic and walks away*

 

 

Your Ex Should Not be Your Next!

     By now, you should know how I feel about love and relationships. It’s a lot of work, darrnit! For starters, getting comfortable with your partner is equivalent to a woman wearing an 8 hour bra and she’s already in her 12^th hour and only wants to breathe normal and take it off. Now, she has to deal with your Ex; that scallywagging, bottom-feeding, no-ambition-having predator, who’s not even cuter than you! Compared to you, she makes you look like a Hollywood story covering international magazines

     When a woman gets to a certain age, it’s expected that whatever man she’s dating has a few women lurking in the past and one of those women may want him back just like ole school R&B. This woman will do anything in her vicious power to dampen your budding love story. If she has children (this type of woman usually has a basketball team), she will even go to the extreme low of using them as leverage. This woman also tells lies knowing that we’ve all acknowledged the world has seven degrees of separation and her fork-tongued-soliloquy will eventually find its way to your ears. Dang gossipers! And trust this “woman” is also using social media to give her a backbone. She will create a life with your man and most will believe this fairytale farce.

     Hmmmmm can’t blame it all on the woman though. Your man has to be held accountable for his actions by not entertaining this has-been. You shouldn’t be the one responding to her; he should. If he’s truly your man, let him fight this battle. I didn’t sign up for Fear Factor, therefore, I WILL NOT digest anything nasty just to win a prize in the end.

     Once again, this is why I’d rather eat ice cream. Just like men, ice cream comes in the most delectable flavors and you can choose any one and the only thing it wants to do is spend a moment on your lips but a lifetime on your hips. Sounds like love to me. Smooches Dolls!!

My Writing Process Blog Tour

Before I begin, I'd like to say....I missed all of you and what a perfect way to relaunch my blog!

I was humbled and honored to be invited by Kaolin, an accomplished author of the book, “Talking About Race,” to participate in the #mywritingprocess blog tour.

Each person participating in this illustrious tour must answer four questions. Hopefully after reading this, all of my #risingIcons will have an informative manuscript of my writing journey. Here we go…

1)      What am I working on? I’m working on a screenplay. I can’t believe my second novel; “A Love I Can Trust” is going to be a film. This is truly a dream come true. When I wrote my first book, I envisioned it as a movie, but the timing wasn’t right. I’m a holistic being and believe things happen as they should - without force, rhyme or reason – the universe miraculously makes the unbelievable a reality. Also, I’m deliberate in my work to grow my radio show, “Sanya On-Air” (www.AllBlackRadio.com, Wednesdays at 8 p.m. EST) into a force to be reckoned with. In less than a year, I’ve had the most phenomenal guests; guests that I’ve only dreamed of meeting because in my head, they were unreachable people only to be seen on television, in books and in the media.

2)      How does my work differ from others? The execution of my theme of love is unique. I talk about love in a very candid way. Typically I find genders writing and speaking about love in a fantasy type of way. Boy meets girl, girl falls in love and becomes pregnant, and in a few months he might marry her.  Over it! I write about a woman’s evolution of love based on her experiences from childhood to adulthood. These important details are often hidden and yet manifested in her actions and words. So, instead of men always asking, ‘Why?’ I urge them to reconsider ‘Why Not?’ My writing is unapologetic as it boldly discusses issues that are taboo: rape, incest, abandonment, low self-esteem and classism. I feel it’s time to uncover whispers women go to their graves with. They hold on to secrets with a vice grip as if it’s their grandmother’s precious pearls. By having unabashed conversations, maybe, love can be authentic. Instead of a man meeting her representative, let him meet the real you – scars and all.

3)      Why do I write what I do? It’s my therapy. OK, I’m about to have an honest moment (takes deep breath). I’m sick and tired of :

A) Women believing they’ve reached the ultimate level of life’s success when they get engaged or get married. OMG, it sickens me. They never share their stories of what it took to get the ring – a lot of bumpy roller coaster dips and turns – they just show the end result and flaunt a ring like anyone truly cares. Others are just looking at the ring size and equating that with how much he really loves you. Don’t be fooled, Ms. Honey!

B) My blog says it all, Love? I really prefer ice cream! I’m working on establishing myself first and I suggest other women do the same. Who has time to raise a child, further your education or skill-set, stay gainfully employed, sustain entrepreneurship, maneuver thru toxic friends and family members AND keep a man? I’m tired thinking about it! No thank you. I’d rather eat ice cream, it doesn’t talk, is cold for a reason and you don’t mind licking it. LOL. Yaaaaassssss. What’s funny is most would assume I’m single and bitter. Honey puh-leeze, I’ve been in a relationship for many years. And even when I wasn’t, I had fun in my in-between moments.

4)         How does my writing process work?

            1) I think about and write down potential topics or a title

2) I give myself time to have an “ah-ha” moment

 

3) I go to my favorite place and start writing (without interruptions)

4) Edit

5) Share and ask for feedback from an audience who can relate

6) Make changes if necessary, staying true to Self

 

Continuing this blog tour during the week of July 30th, I am proud to introduce:

Muriel Demarcus is a self-proclaimed French Yummy Mummy living in London. She was born and bred in France. She began blogging after leaving the corporate world and hasn’t looked back since. Muriel's Blog

 

Charron Monaye is a Philadelphia native who blogs for CNN. For more than 20 years, she has inspired audiences as a dynamic Songwriter (her song “Commitment” was considered for the 54^th Annual Grammy Awards), Poet, Author, Playwright, Journalist and Advocate against Bullying and Domestic Violence. Charron's Blog