The Size of Your Ring Equals His Love

Congratulations, you’re engaged!!  After all, you’ve been preparing for this day ever since you were six years old.  Don’t you remember walking your Barbie doll down the aisle to an awaiting Ken, while your teddy bears sat on the sidelines sharing your bliss? As soon as he bends down on one knee, slides those carats on your outstretched hand and asks, “Will you marry me?” you silently wish he’d hurry up so you can share the news with any and everyone who will listen.  Oh but wait, you’re also sizing-up the ring like an experienced jeweler wondering how much he paid for this shimmering block of ice.

I decided to write this after almost regurgitating my breakfast when I came across a picture on social media of a newly engaged female.  The picture was of her ring-adorned finger and the caption read “Let me show you how happy I am!” You’ve gotta be kidding me!  Matter of fact, I’m feeling nauseous all over again.  Does the size of your rock equal his love for you?  We can’t be this superficial.  Don’t get me wrong, every woman wants to adorn a rock so big rock that she needs to build a shelf attached to her arm just to hold it up.  But don’t get it twisted and start measuring love with material things.  This is a sure recipe for disaster and I’m sure if your fiancé was privy to your Barbie-girl way of thinking, he’d dump you quicker than a New York minute.

What if your man isn’t a six-figure, investment having, mortgage living, pension accumulating type of man?  Are you expecting him to go broke buying you a huge rock just so you can get approval from “those” women?   As for me, I don’t let my mind wander off from realistically knowing whom I’m dating.  I know that his spending habits will reflect his income and I can’t expect anything more unless or until he starts making more.  At some point in a woman’s life, she has to put the gibberish her mother told her and what society endorses in with the bath water and watch it go down the drain.  Its Ok ladies, reality isn’t that bad!

So, for all of you ladies flaunting your ring as a Standard and Poor’s rating, please find a deserted island and stay there because you are giving us all a bad reputation.  I wish you all the best of luck!  Smooches Dolls

Past, Present, and Future

            Don’t you hate it when your partner makes your past indiscretions, your present and future? He holds you liable for something you did before him and decides to make it all about him? Then without notice, you find yourself trying to remember something that happened a very long time ago? You also find yourself explaining things that have nothing to do with your present or your future because like I said, it’s in your past!! Ummm excuse me for screaming. LOL

            Why is it that men want to see you as perfect? They create this facade and then expect you to live up to this carefully manufactured woman who stands on a pedestal, is unflawed and defecates flowers? How many of you have been in this predicament? What did you do? Let me tell you what I did…..

            I’m going to be honest. Love will have you doing things that are uncharacteristically you.  Initially, I thought I was at fault for hurting him. I tried to explain myself. My voice even changed to some sing-songy type falsetto that was sugary sweet and could probably be turned into a Keith Sweat hit: complete with whining and everything. Then I woke up!

            My past is my past. Your past is your past. Why should it matter what you did prior to your current relationship? I’m just skimming the surface on this topic but I extend this conversation to include if the woman was a stripper, prostitute or ‘round the way sticking tool. It’s her past!!

            I’ve learned that men are afforded many free-passes. They can come to a woman with a past so sordid, you think about taking an STI test just to talk on the phone. As women, we are expected to be akin to Mary. We have to be pure or very close to it, the less children the better (even though men have more than one baby momma), and please don’t tell him you’re not a virgin (tip: remain abstinent for at least nine months prior to this judgmental man, that way you can say you’re a born again virgin. LOL).

            My point is: Why Does Her Past Matter? Why are men so consumed with what she’s done in her past instead of focusing on how those incidents made her the lovable woman she is today? I’ll tell you what. Keep focusing on a woman’s past and watch your present and future situation….without her! Take that! *drops mic and walks away*

 

 

Your Ex Should Not be Your Next!

     By now, you should know how I feel about love and relationships. It’s a lot of work, darrnit! For starters, getting comfortable with your partner is equivalent to a woman wearing an 8 hour bra and she’s already in her 12^th hour and only wants to breathe normal and take it off. Now, she has to deal with your Ex; that scallywagging, bottom-feeding, no-ambition-having predator, who’s not even cuter than you! Compared to you, she makes you look like a Hollywood story covering international magazines

     When a woman gets to a certain age, it’s expected that whatever man she’s dating has a few women lurking in the past and one of those women may want him back just like ole school R&B. This woman will do anything in her vicious power to dampen your budding love story. If she has children (this type of woman usually has a basketball team), she will even go to the extreme low of using them as leverage. This woman also tells lies knowing that we’ve all acknowledged the world has seven degrees of separation and her fork-tongued-soliloquy will eventually find its way to your ears. Dang gossipers! And trust this “woman” is also using social media to give her a backbone. She will create a life with your man and most will believe this fairytale farce.

     Hmmmmm can’t blame it all on the woman though. Your man has to be held accountable for his actions by not entertaining this has-been. You shouldn’t be the one responding to her; he should. If he’s truly your man, let him fight this battle. I didn’t sign up for Fear Factor, therefore, I WILL NOT digest anything nasty just to win a prize in the end.

     Once again, this is why I’d rather eat ice cream. Just like men, ice cream comes in the most delectable flavors and you can choose any one and the only thing it wants to do is spend a moment on your lips but a lifetime on your hips. Sounds like love to me. Smooches Dolls!!

My Writing Process Blog Tour

Before I begin, I'd like to say....I missed all of you and what a perfect way to relaunch my blog!

I was humbled and honored to be invited by Kaolin, an accomplished author of the book, “Talking About Race,” to participate in the #mywritingprocess blog tour.

Each person participating in this illustrious tour must answer four questions. Hopefully after reading this, all of my #risingIcons will have an informative manuscript of my writing journey. Here we go…

1)      What am I working on? I’m working on a screenplay. I can’t believe my second novel; “A Love I Can Trust” is going to be a film. This is truly a dream come true. When I wrote my first book, I envisioned it as a movie, but the timing wasn’t right. I’m a holistic being and believe things happen as they should - without force, rhyme or reason – the universe miraculously makes the unbelievable a reality. Also, I’m deliberate in my work to grow my radio show, “Sanya On-Air” (www.AllBlackRadio.com, Wednesdays at 8 p.m. EST) into a force to be reckoned with. In less than a year, I’ve had the most phenomenal guests; guests that I’ve only dreamed of meeting because in my head, they were unreachable people only to be seen on television, in books and in the media.

2)      How does my work differ from others? The execution of my theme of love is unique. I talk about love in a very candid way. Typically I find genders writing and speaking about love in a fantasy type of way. Boy meets girl, girl falls in love and becomes pregnant, and in a few months he might marry her.  Over it! I write about a woman’s evolution of love based on her experiences from childhood to adulthood. These important details are often hidden and yet manifested in her actions and words. So, instead of men always asking, ‘Why?’ I urge them to reconsider ‘Why Not?’ My writing is unapologetic as it boldly discusses issues that are taboo: rape, incest, abandonment, low self-esteem and classism. I feel it’s time to uncover whispers women go to their graves with. They hold on to secrets with a vice grip as if it’s their grandmother’s precious pearls. By having unabashed conversations, maybe, love can be authentic. Instead of a man meeting her representative, let him meet the real you – scars and all.

3)      Why do I write what I do? It’s my therapy. OK, I’m about to have an honest moment (takes deep breath). I’m sick and tired of :

A) Women believing they’ve reached the ultimate level of life’s success when they get engaged or get married. OMG, it sickens me. They never share their stories of what it took to get the ring – a lot of bumpy roller coaster dips and turns – they just show the end result and flaunt a ring like anyone truly cares. Others are just looking at the ring size and equating that with how much he really loves you. Don’t be fooled, Ms. Honey!

B) My blog says it all, Love? I really prefer ice cream! I’m working on establishing myself first and I suggest other women do the same. Who has time to raise a child, further your education or skill-set, stay gainfully employed, sustain entrepreneurship, maneuver thru toxic friends and family members AND keep a man? I’m tired thinking about it! No thank you. I’d rather eat ice cream, it doesn’t talk, is cold for a reason and you don’t mind licking it. LOL. Yaaaaassssss. What’s funny is most would assume I’m single and bitter. Honey puh-leeze, I’ve been in a relationship for many years. And even when I wasn’t, I had fun in my in-between moments.

4)         How does my writing process work?

            1) I think about and write down potential topics or a title

2) I give myself time to have an “ah-ha” moment

 

3) I go to my favorite place and start writing (without interruptions)

4) Edit

5) Share and ask for feedback from an audience who can relate

6) Make changes if necessary, staying true to Self

 

Continuing this blog tour during the week of July 30th, I am proud to introduce:

Muriel Demarcus is a self-proclaimed French Yummy Mummy living in London. She was born and bred in France. She began blogging after leaving the corporate world and hasn’t looked back since. Muriel's Blog

 

Charron Monaye is a Philadelphia native who blogs for CNN. For more than 20 years, she has inspired audiences as a dynamic Songwriter (her song “Commitment” was considered for the 54^th Annual Grammy Awards), Poet, Author, Playwright, Journalist and Advocate against Bullying and Domestic Violence. Charron's Blog

What's Sacred in Dating?

Dating has taken on a life of itself and it seems as if nothing is sacred anymore. Women are asking men out. Women stand on the train while men stay seated with their legs gaped wide open. Women are the head of households. Women have basically adopted the mantra “I don’t need a man!” I don’t care how old you are, there are two things I firmly believe are sacred in dating. And scene………

Sex! Ladies, stop giving it up to every man who smiles as he uses the same line on you that he used on the other woman six minutes ago. I’ve sat around women who thought it was cute as they dramatically confided that they slept with men simply because he had money and they needed the latest Louis Vuitton bag. Hot mess!! Do you not value your pocketbooks anymore? I call it a pocketbook because I know that’s where I keep all of my valuables; the items I hold dear and wouldn’t want anyone to steal.  When did women start giving it up like free cheese? When did women start to de-value their pocketbooks? It seems as if tampons aren’t the only things protruding from a woman’s pocketbook; there’s also a discounted price-tag hanging out.  I love empowering my ladies, but if you’re a woman and find yourself being intimate with every man you’re dating, slow your roll and remember your value because you’ve degraded yourself to a garden tool. A hoe for all those who are slow!

Time! Stop immediately answering his calls and texts. Here’s another term you have become: thirsty. When a guy calls or texts, let it marinate for a minute. Stop being the eager beaver and sit back like the queen you are and give it some time. When you respond quickly to his calls or texts, he thinks you’re at his beck and call. You send the message that you have nothing more important going on in your life than to be a first responder. Ladies, you don’t work for 911; there’s no emergency.  In case you’ve never received the memo; men love the chase. Hunt and conquer is embedded in their DNA. I know as society changes so do the norms, but one thing should remain: let a man chase after you. Think about it, if a man calls or texts and you immediately respond, I can guarantee he will get bored with you quickly. You’re making it too easy for him. Men often want the woman they know they can’t have. Even when he asks you out on a date, set something up for the following week or two.

Remember to have standards, ladies. Your pocketbook and time are sacred. If you don’t place high regards on the two, a man will think you’re easy and desperate. That’s why men don’t feel as if they have to work hard; you’ve made it too easy for him. I know it’s just dating but I also know the majority of women ultimately want to get married. Then act like it! Start preparing yourself to be looked at as quality by your future husband, not a stop sign every man has ran through. SMOOCHES!

www.SBPRA.com/SanyaHudson-Payne

Feel Like Cheating?

Ok, you’re in a relationship and you love him dearly. There are days when the very thought of him makes you smile followed by the urge to call him on the phone even though you just spoke an hour ago. Then there are days when you wonder if the grass is greener on the other side; if you can cheat without getting caught. If Luther Vandross was right when he sang, “If only for one night?” And scene……….

I know I’m not the only one who has ever thought of cheating on her partner. If I am, oh well; at least I’m not ashamed to admit it. There are many reasons why women contemplate cheating on her mate. If he’s good to her or if she wants to “accidentally” push him into traffic, a woman’s rationale often remains the same. Here are a few reasons why women cheat:

1.      The other man listens – Women swoon and get moist whenever a man takes the time to genuinely listen to her. It’s like the green pill in the Matrix. We’ve chosen right and nothing could be further from wrong.

2.      He’s rich – A woman loves a man who can provide for her. She goes into a situation of accepting money from a man knowing she may not initially have to drop her panties, but if she plays her cards right the game will last long enough for her to get money to solve some of her financial woes.

3.      He’s handsome – Sometimes lust will get the best of us. Men aren’t the only ones who are visual beings. Yeah, there are times when we just want to taste the forbidden fruit too.

4.      He’s younger – When women get to a certain age having a younger man hit on her makes her feel youthful again. She wants to prove she can still make a man’s toes curl and scream out her name in sheer bliss before she sends him home to his rap CD’s and video games.

At the end of the day, I find myself and other women to be very loyal to their man. Although we may think of cheating, we seldom do. Trust, every time we walk down the street, stare aimlessly on the train, smirk at the television or fidget when reading a magazine we are thinking about a meaningless rendezvous. Those thoughts only last for a few minutes out of the day because when all is said and done, we return back to the one we love….our man!

SMOOCHES DOLLS

Purchase my latest book "A Love I Can Trust."
www.SBPRA.com/SanyaHudson-Payne

Assertive or Submissive? What's her Preference?

As an author of two bestselling novels (A Love I Can Trust and The Seasons of Love), readers have often described my books as lustful, romantic, sultry and risqué.  Readers have said my books either have them feeling ashamed of the passionate feelings that may arise or wanting to be more adventurous in the bedroom with their partners. So, do women prefer to be submissive or assertive in intimacy? What’s her preference? And scene………..

My two books have sparked some very entertaining conversations. A large percentage of women find themselves transformed from being the engrossed innocent reader to becoming my last book’s main character; Alexa, a reflection of today’s sexually uninhibited femme-fatale. She chooses how many times she will be intimate with her partner, where the rendezvous will take place, where he should touch her and even how long he should take getting her to climax. Some may call this controlling but guess what? Women of the new millennium call it “Finally Gettin’ Mines!”

The role of women in the bedroom has changed for those who are in the age-group of 25-50. This age-group covers women who were born from the 1960’s through the late 1980’s. Many blame the huge gender shift on the 1960’s, as it was described as being one of the most controversial decades in American history. From empowering songs such as Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” to Kelis who screamed, “I hate you so much right now!” it is undeniable that those years are emblematic of a new kind of female consciousness.

I can’t understand why people are surprised when women are more assertive of their intimacies. Does this scare men? YES!! They internalize the change in paradigm shifts as if we are trying to minimize and negate their presence. Not the case my strong, sexy men. As we become more assertive in the bedroom, we want you to match our zest and adventure as well. No, you’re not the only one smacking our gluteous maximus, we are smacking yours too. We are telling him to dance for us. We are telling him to sit back and watch while we teach him what pleases us! So yeah, women prefer being more assertive in intimacy and we are loving it!! Smooches.

www.SBPRA.com/SanyaHudson-Payne