Wake Me When It's Over

Imagine me standing in the middle of a stadium holding a megaphone speaking to an audience of women. Yes, I am fabulously dressed of course. And Scene……….If he’s wack, tell him!!!!

Ladies, why are many of you still subjecting yourselves to being unfulfilled by a man? I don’t care if he’s your husband, a jump-off or an occasional occupant in your rotation (I call them My Flow), if you find your eyes staring at him with contempt; tell him!!!!

I have come across so many women who will repeatedly sit, grin and tolerate uncomfortable situations and I’m sick of it. Letting their guards down and getting advice from “their girls,” they hope to be provided with direction. Puhleeze, if a man were to sit amongst a group of women sharing in female banter, he might need a therapist, a life coach and updated manuals on how to fulfill his woman. NO, we don’t want a damn threesome so stop asking! NO, we don’t like it when you pound on us like a drill that has no focus or direction; it’s just all over the place. NO, we don’t like it when you go down and act as if you only want a little taste instead of eating the entire meal. NO, we don’t like it when you go right for the bull’s-eye without paying attention to the beautifully designed map that leads to project orgasm.

I think women and men need to hone-in on their intimate skills every so often; something like a refresher course. We do it for our jobs, why not for our relationships. Ladies, stop acting like watching an x-rated movie, taking a pole dancing class, buying a few toys and exploring your own bodies is taboo. Own and feel comfortable with your Self before you start demanding someone else to fulfill your intimate needs. Stop acting like Suzie Homemaker from 1920 and get with it. I’m not promoting that women should be walking sex kittens, not at all. I still believe a woman should be a lady in the streets and a sultry kitten in the bed. Meow.

So ladies, do yourselves a favor. KNOW what it is that YOU want, FIND out how to get that pleasure and then GET IT by Telling Him What You Want! A man who wants to be with you will do everything in his power to make sure he delivers. Make a game out of it and show him if he’s a little reluctant. We all know how fragile the male ego is. Hmph.

Behind a Woman's Smile

If any man is daring enough to take a real look behind a woman’s smile I applaud his bravery to enter the world of unknown. If he’s lucky, he’ll make it out alive without being traumatized and swearing off women forever. My only suggestion to him: brace yourself for the ride of your life!

No matter what a woman is going through, she has been handed the responsibility of plastering a smile on her face. Men, you’ve seen the smile before; we sometimes wear it when we’re having sex with you. The quintessential smile that is slightly shaking while trying to maintain its exuberance. But guess what? As males, your gender innately skims the surface misconstruing superficiality for the real thing. You are so wrong.

Behind a woman’s smile there are wounds that haven’t yet healed; wounds that are drowning from many years ago and hell, maybe even from the night before.  You see, our morning rituals are something like this for most of today’s women: get up, (a quickie might be inserted here if you live with a man), fix and eat breakfast for the family (you may or may not have time to eat at the table), get the kids ready for school, get dressed, comb your hair, put on your makeup and decide which smile you want to wear for the day. Will it be the half smirk because you’re too damn tired to fake it? Or will it be the extra Marsha Brady smile that is armed with fireworks to mask your pain? Decisions. Decisions.

As for me, there have been times when I’m about to go on stage and speak before hundreds of people or about to be interviewed for a radio show or host my own radio show and I had to keep telling myself, “Pull it together Sanya. Don’t let those tears fall. You can cry in 4 maybe 6 hours.”  Some days it all catches up and I couldn’t buy a smile even if it were 75% off and on the clearance rack. So if you really want to find out who a woman really is, look behind her smile. She’s so much more than who you think she is.  The cape is off, her super-powers are gone and she is just….LOVE .

Love? I'd Rather Eat Ice Cream

Hmmmmm. This is a crazy way to welcome myself to blogging. I'm confused and just finished drinking a glass of vodka without a chaser. I just hope I don't wake up tomorrow morning regretting anything I've written. Fuck it, I'm 40 and don't feel like calling any of my friends because that shit didn't work in my 20's and 30's so why would it work now? Plus, I don't feel like hearing advice from other single women who have become just as bitter and enraged as I am.

Anyway, here goes.......after years of believing my prince charming would come, I'd rather be emotionally withdrawn and date a different man every week just on the strength of....hell, he's paying, has a great job, loves his mother, provides for his 1 or 2 children (anything else and he can kiss my ass), and is the epitome of eye candy. Go ahead say it, "Sanya, aren't you being a bit superficial?" My response, "Who gives a shit? I'm 40. Wounded and working on healing. I might feel differently next month or even next year, but tonight the wounds are fresh and speaking for me. Any problems with that, read another blog!"

But seriously, I'm not the only woman feeling this way. Maybe some of you have embraced the man you love but I guarantee there was a night where you felt just the same as I do now. Admit it. On the outside looking in people would assume I would be married by now. My credentials would have the proverbial woman walking down the street and grabbing every available man by the balls, but that isn't the case. I'm 40, a mom of a teen, a twice published author, vice president of a publishing company, a radio and web show host, educator and professional event facilitator. Resume looks stellar but does that translate into a husband? Nope, the movie has played, credits are rolling and people are filing out of the theatre onto their next experience. Don't get me wrong, I do have my choice of men. I can pick up my Blackberry at any moment, scroll through my contacts and pick a man from every letter of the alphabet but they aren't the man for me!

I just read an article that said being smart isn't the reason women are single; it's having a successful career that makes women single. Really? There may be some truth to that. I do find it difficult to divide my time between work and a man but when I do find a man who I'm willing to give my time to, something just doesn't add up. I find myself more emotionally connected than him. So at this point, those experiences have made my well emotionally dry. I hate to think I'm becoming that woman who could care less about love and spends every waking minute focused on work, but it seems as if that unemotional diva has on her stilettos and is ready to take on that position full-time.

Tonight, the woman who just drank an entire glass of vodka with no chaser would rather eat ice cream than pick up the phone when the caller ID reads an interested man is calling. And guess what? That's just what I did. I fixed myself a double scoop of strawberry ice cream on a waffle cone and when I was done, decided to get up off my ass and stop procrastinating about writing this blog and just do it. So there you have it world......Love? I'd rather eat ice cream!! (drops mic and walks away)
www.SanyaHudsonPayne.com