Men: If You Treat Her Nice, She''ll Walk All Over You

I have heard countless men say women wouldn’t know a good man if he rang her doorbell and wore a sign that read “I’m a good man.” Let me dispel this blatant lie that was more than likely fabricated by a man who is probably single and bitter.  The sad part is, men have bought into this deception and place their insecurities on women having us believe we are the ones who prefer bad boys. Not! And scene…..

Men.  And I am referring to a male who is 21 and older, handles his life responsibly and has the common sense to decipher a little girl from a woman. You have it all wrong; little girls who are still struggling with self-esteem and control issues prefer boys who treat them poorly. Little girls get a kick out of a man who brings unnecessary drama into her life. I’m not placing any blame on them. Not at all. Honestly, they misconstrue love because they don’t know what love is having never seen or experienced it for themselves. Now a woman on the other hand handles this differently. She expects and demands all men to treat her with respect; to honor her as she honors him in return.

I think many people misconstrue a woman who likes a man who has a little “bad boy” in him. Let me explain. Many women like men who possess a certain je ne sais quio. A man who is comfortable in the boardroom and yet can hang out with the fellas easily adjusting his swag to his environment.  A man whose number of tailored suits is equivalent to the jeans hanging in his closet.  A man who doesn’t break out in a cold sweat when he’s walking in certain neighborhoods or refers to people as “them” just because their colloquial speech is different.

 I recently listened to someone tell me I like bad boys. Initially, I tried to explain my preference then I laughed remembering I had nothing to defend. I like a man who values me and what I bring to the table. Yes, we must share similar backgrounds. I grew up in the inner city, obtained a college degree and excel in the most professional environments. Then when my day is done, I change my clothes into something more….comfortable and kick it with my girls. So, if I want a man who is equipped with the same does that make me a bad girl?

Saying women prefer guys who treat them badly is a misnomer. Another weak ploy to have women believing the majority of us are single because we keep choosing bad boys. Let me turn the tables around, if the majority of women keep choosing bad boys, why are there so many bad boys out there? What does that say about the overall state of men? Smooches Dolls.

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I Don't Care What He Thinks. I'm Wearing My Headscarf to Bed.

OMG!!!!!! I’ve spoken at countless seminars on the topic of relationships and one topic that always comes up: Should I Wear My Headscarf to Bed? To all of my Dolls out there, do whatever works for you. I just know what works best for ME. And Scene………….

It’s time for you and your partner to go to sleep and this may be the first time you’ve slept overnight at his place. Of course you want to keep it cute and sexy. Hell, that silk teddy, lace undies and alluring scent you strategically placed all over your body confirms that. So why would you want to mess it up by putting on your Aunt Jemima headscarf? I’ll tell you why? As an African American woman, I’m really not trying to mess up my hair. He wants it cute? How can I keep it cute for him if I wake up in the morning with edges and a kitchen that’s all sweated out? Not cute at all!

I totally understand that men like women to be visually tantalizing and what woman doesn’t want to be? But dammit, something’s gotta give. Men, you can’t have it both ways! How about we turn the headscarf issue into a sexy little game? Can you pretend I’m the Queen of Zamunda? How about you tie it around my head as a reminder of how you just tied me up moments before? Let’s get creative and stop expecting me to do come to bed with flowing hair and then the next day I have to pay for another hair appointment….unless you’re paying that is. If not, Aunt Jemima, the Queen of Zamunda is here to stay!

So ladies, stop letting the representative show up in the beginning of a relationship. You come to bed all purdee (pretty) looking and then you get comfortable with your man and then BAM; you change into a holey drawers, headscarf wearing nightmare! If you wear a headscarf to bed, let it be known. Distract attention away from the headscarf. Trust, if you’re putting it down right, he’s not even worried about what’s on your head. *wink* SMOOCHES DOLLS

www.SBPRA.com/SanyaHudson-Payne

You Gave Him The Nookie, Now What?

Men, this one’s for you! Do you know how much stress is on a woman’s mind before and after she gives you the nookie? It’s like that 4th grade Science project you hope at least gets you in the finals so you can have bragging rights. So gentlemen, if you ever wanted to know what’s going on behind a woman’s smile while she is disrobing, finish reading. And scene…….

A woman knows whether or not she is going to sleep with you. She has already made up her mind either before you started to wine and dine her or after you’ve blown her mind with sexy conversations. When a woman has made up her mind to give you the nookie, she goes into preparation mode thinking of ways to provoke a man’s senses. She asks herself questions like: What panties should I wear? Thong, G-string, Boy-Shorts, No-Panties or Granny Panties (which I strongly suggest women stay away from).  Nair or a razor for my legs and the nookie-box? Do I have time for a pedicure and manicure and what color nail polish should I use? Should I eat pineapples for a week just in case he wants to go downtown? Is my nookie-box tight enough for him to not assume I’m some kind of philandering slut? Is my stomach flat enough or should I pretend and just lie flat on my back to create the illusion? Should I just let go and scream if it feels great or will he look at me like a noisy-neighbor-waker? Do we cuddle afterwards or do I give him space so he won’t think I’m sprung and about to re-enact a scene from the movie Fatal Attraction? Do I tell him to get up and get me a washcloth because I know if I get up, he’s definitely going to be watching my ass shake from left to right as I strut away? And the last question that gives us damn near panic attacks……now that I gave him the nookie will he call?

This is so crazy!!!!!!! In spite of the myriad of emotions that bombard a woman’s ability to approach this situation in a carefree manner, we still have to push through acting as if we are comfortable. Don’t get me wrong, there are various levels to a woman’s discomfort but I can attest to the fact that women can relate to what I’m writing about. If the sex was good for us, we want to know if it was good for you and if so, can we do it again? And this time, we may not have all the previous angst, but there will be some lingering anxiety. So now that you gave him the nookie, now what? Not a damn thing ladies. Let’s just try to be more comfortable in our skin! Pole dancing lessons and a dirty martini maybe?

www.SBPRA.com/SanyaHudson-Payne

Who Pays on a Date? He Does!!!!!

You’re sitting at a fine restaurant in your 5-inch heels and your outfit is absolutely to-die-for. The conversation between you and your date is flowing like silk and then the waiter comes. It’s as if the record has scratched when the waiter’s eyes play tennis as he figures out whom to give the check to. And Scene…….

You would be a fool to get caught up in such a trivial dilemma of wondering who should pay for the date. Ladies, you better cross those delicately sculptured legs of yours and without batting an eye anticipate him to pick up the check. I believe a man should always be a man and one of the requirements of a man is picking up the check. I know tons of men would beg to differ and that’s perfectly fine; those are the cheap men I won’t be dating. If a man truly likes you and enjoys your company, he will pay. This modern day role reversal where it is implied that women pay is absurd and probably created by some broke ass man who is trying to salvage his ego. Ladies, don’t be fooled.  And just to make myself clear; even if you go out as friends…..he still pays.

Some may interpret my stance as having gold-digger tendencies and I could care less! A man should be able to provide for his woman. Going out on dates is sort of like a series of auditions. The dates don’t have to be fancy and opulent, but it should be very tasteful. Imagine going out on a date and the man asks the woman to pay the bill, contribute to the bill or even leave a tip. That is just tacky. And if he doesn’t have enough money to pay the entire bill and leave a tip, leave his broke ass sitting there by his lonesome as you pick up your purse and walk out of the restaurant and out of his life.  Yeah, I said it!!

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