My Writing Process Blog Tour

Before I begin, I'd like to say....I missed all of you and what a perfect way to relaunch my blog!

I was humbled and honored to be invited by Kaolin, an accomplished author of the book, “Talking About Race,” to participate in the #mywritingprocess blog tour.

Each person participating in this illustrious tour must answer four questions. Hopefully after reading this, all of my #risingIcons will have an informative manuscript of my writing journey. Here we go…

1)      What am I working on? I’m working on a screenplay. I can’t believe my second novel; “A Love I Can Trust” is going to be a film. This is truly a dream come true. When I wrote my first book, I envisioned it as a movie, but the timing wasn’t right. I’m a holistic being and believe things happen as they should - without force, rhyme or reason – the universe miraculously makes the unbelievable a reality. Also, I’m deliberate in my work to grow my radio show, “Sanya On-Air” (www.AllBlackRadio.com, Wednesdays at 8 p.m. EST) into a force to be reckoned with. In less than a year, I’ve had the most phenomenal guests; guests that I’ve only dreamed of meeting because in my head, they were unreachable people only to be seen on television, in books and in the media.

2)      How does my work differ from others? The execution of my theme of love is unique. I talk about love in a very candid way. Typically I find genders writing and speaking about love in a fantasy type of way. Boy meets girl, girl falls in love and becomes pregnant, and in a few months he might marry her.  Over it! I write about a woman’s evolution of love based on her experiences from childhood to adulthood. These important details are often hidden and yet manifested in her actions and words. So, instead of men always asking, ‘Why?’ I urge them to reconsider ‘Why Not?’ My writing is unapologetic as it boldly discusses issues that are taboo: rape, incest, abandonment, low self-esteem and classism. I feel it’s time to uncover whispers women go to their graves with. They hold on to secrets with a vice grip as if it’s their grandmother’s precious pearls. By having unabashed conversations, maybe, love can be authentic. Instead of a man meeting her representative, let him meet the real you – scars and all.

3)      Why do I write what I do? It’s my therapy. OK, I’m about to have an honest moment (takes deep breath). I’m sick and tired of :

A) Women believing they’ve reached the ultimate level of life’s success when they get engaged or get married. OMG, it sickens me. They never share their stories of what it took to get the ring – a lot of bumpy roller coaster dips and turns – they just show the end result and flaunt a ring like anyone truly cares. Others are just looking at the ring size and equating that with how much he really loves you. Don’t be fooled, Ms. Honey!

B) My blog says it all, Love? I really prefer ice cream! I’m working on establishing myself first and I suggest other women do the same. Who has time to raise a child, further your education or skill-set, stay gainfully employed, sustain entrepreneurship, maneuver thru toxic friends and family members AND keep a man? I’m tired thinking about it! No thank you. I’d rather eat ice cream, it doesn’t talk, is cold for a reason and you don’t mind licking it. LOL. Yaaaaassssss. What’s funny is most would assume I’m single and bitter. Honey puh-leeze, I’ve been in a relationship for many years. And even when I wasn’t, I had fun in my in-between moments.

4)         How does my writing process work?

            1) I think about and write down potential topics or a title

2) I give myself time to have an “ah-ha” moment

 

3) I go to my favorite place and start writing (without interruptions)

4) Edit

5) Share and ask for feedback from an audience who can relate

6) Make changes if necessary, staying true to Self

 

Continuing this blog tour during the week of July 30th, I am proud to introduce:

Muriel Demarcus is a self-proclaimed French Yummy Mummy living in London. She was born and bred in France. She began blogging after leaving the corporate world and hasn’t looked back since. Muriel's Blog

 

Charron Monaye is a Philadelphia native who blogs for CNN. For more than 20 years, she has inspired audiences as a dynamic Songwriter (her song “Commitment” was considered for the 54^th Annual Grammy Awards), Poet, Author, Playwright, Journalist and Advocate against Bullying and Domestic Violence. Charron's Blog

What's Sacred in Dating?

Dating has taken on a life of itself and it seems as if nothing is sacred anymore. Women are asking men out. Women stand on the train while men stay seated with their legs gaped wide open. Women are the head of households. Women have basically adopted the mantra “I don’t need a man!” I don’t care how old you are, there are two things I firmly believe are sacred in dating. And scene………

Sex! Ladies, stop giving it up to every man who smiles as he uses the same line on you that he used on the other woman six minutes ago. I’ve sat around women who thought it was cute as they dramatically confided that they slept with men simply because he had money and they needed the latest Louis Vuitton bag. Hot mess!! Do you not value your pocketbooks anymore? I call it a pocketbook because I know that’s where I keep all of my valuables; the items I hold dear and wouldn’t want anyone to steal.  When did women start giving it up like free cheese? When did women start to de-value their pocketbooks? It seems as if tampons aren’t the only things protruding from a woman’s pocketbook; there’s also a discounted price-tag hanging out.  I love empowering my ladies, but if you’re a woman and find yourself being intimate with every man you’re dating, slow your roll and remember your value because you’ve degraded yourself to a garden tool. A hoe for all those who are slow!

Time! Stop immediately answering his calls and texts. Here’s another term you have become: thirsty. When a guy calls or texts, let it marinate for a minute. Stop being the eager beaver and sit back like the queen you are and give it some time. When you respond quickly to his calls or texts, he thinks you’re at his beck and call. You send the message that you have nothing more important going on in your life than to be a first responder. Ladies, you don’t work for 911; there’s no emergency.  In case you’ve never received the memo; men love the chase. Hunt and conquer is embedded in their DNA. I know as society changes so do the norms, but one thing should remain: let a man chase after you. Think about it, if a man calls or texts and you immediately respond, I can guarantee he will get bored with you quickly. You’re making it too easy for him. Men often want the woman they know they can’t have. Even when he asks you out on a date, set something up for the following week or two.

Remember to have standards, ladies. Your pocketbook and time are sacred. If you don’t place high regards on the two, a man will think you’re easy and desperate. That’s why men don’t feel as if they have to work hard; you’ve made it too easy for him. I know it’s just dating but I also know the majority of women ultimately want to get married. Then act like it! Start preparing yourself to be looked at as quality by your future husband, not a stop sign every man has ran through. SMOOCHES!

www.SBPRA.com/SanyaHudson-Payne

Feel Like Cheating?

Ok, you’re in a relationship and you love him dearly. There are days when the very thought of him makes you smile followed by the urge to call him on the phone even though you just spoke an hour ago. Then there are days when you wonder if the grass is greener on the other side; if you can cheat without getting caught. If Luther Vandross was right when he sang, “If only for one night?” And scene……….

I know I’m not the only one who has ever thought of cheating on her partner. If I am, oh well; at least I’m not ashamed to admit it. There are many reasons why women contemplate cheating on her mate. If he’s good to her or if she wants to “accidentally” push him into traffic, a woman’s rationale often remains the same. Here are a few reasons why women cheat:

1.      The other man listens – Women swoon and get moist whenever a man takes the time to genuinely listen to her. It’s like the green pill in the Matrix. We’ve chosen right and nothing could be further from wrong.

2.      He’s rich – A woman loves a man who can provide for her. She goes into a situation of accepting money from a man knowing she may not initially have to drop her panties, but if she plays her cards right the game will last long enough for her to get money to solve some of her financial woes.

3.      He’s handsome – Sometimes lust will get the best of us. Men aren’t the only ones who are visual beings. Yeah, there are times when we just want to taste the forbidden fruit too.

4.      He’s younger – When women get to a certain age having a younger man hit on her makes her feel youthful again. She wants to prove she can still make a man’s toes curl and scream out her name in sheer bliss before she sends him home to his rap CD’s and video games.

At the end of the day, I find myself and other women to be very loyal to their man. Although we may think of cheating, we seldom do. Trust, every time we walk down the street, stare aimlessly on the train, smirk at the television or fidget when reading a magazine we are thinking about a meaningless rendezvous. Those thoughts only last for a few minutes out of the day because when all is said and done, we return back to the one we love….our man!

SMOOCHES DOLLS

Purchase my latest book "A Love I Can Trust."
www.SBPRA.com/SanyaHudson-Payne

Assertive or Submissive? What's her Preference?

As an author of two bestselling novels (A Love I Can Trust and The Seasons of Love), readers have often described my books as lustful, romantic, sultry and risqué.  Readers have said my books either have them feeling ashamed of the passionate feelings that may arise or wanting to be more adventurous in the bedroom with their partners. So, do women prefer to be submissive or assertive in intimacy? What’s her preference? And scene………..

My two books have sparked some very entertaining conversations. A large percentage of women find themselves transformed from being the engrossed innocent reader to becoming my last book’s main character; Alexa, a reflection of today’s sexually uninhibited femme-fatale. She chooses how many times she will be intimate with her partner, where the rendezvous will take place, where he should touch her and even how long he should take getting her to climax. Some may call this controlling but guess what? Women of the new millennium call it “Finally Gettin’ Mines!”

The role of women in the bedroom has changed for those who are in the age-group of 25-50. This age-group covers women who were born from the 1960’s through the late 1980’s. Many blame the huge gender shift on the 1960’s, as it was described as being one of the most controversial decades in American history. From empowering songs such as Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” to Kelis who screamed, “I hate you so much right now!” it is undeniable that those years are emblematic of a new kind of female consciousness.

I can’t understand why people are surprised when women are more assertive of their intimacies. Does this scare men? YES!! They internalize the change in paradigm shifts as if we are trying to minimize and negate their presence. Not the case my strong, sexy men. As we become more assertive in the bedroom, we want you to match our zest and adventure as well. No, you’re not the only one smacking our gluteous maximus, we are smacking yours too. We are telling him to dance for us. We are telling him to sit back and watch while we teach him what pleases us! So yeah, women prefer being more assertive in intimacy and we are loving it!! Smooches.

www.SBPRA.com/SanyaHudson-Payne

Should You Text Him Back?

In today’s day-and-age, communication between a man and woman who are courting (remember that term?) has changed drastically. Remember the day when you would be on the phone for hours talking to your boo and at the end of the conversation, you would say, “Hang up” and he’d say, “No you hang up first”? Those days are long gone with jherri curls, Lee jeans and Lotto sneakers. Yeah I took it back. Now, texting has become the new normal making it harder to decipher if he’s really into you. Here are some scenarios to think about before you text him back. Or not. And scene……..

Scenario #1:  YOU text him and HE responds 6-12 hours later.

Answer:  Yes, text him back.

Why?:  It could be that he’s really not feeling you or maybe he was just busy. However, don’t act

like some eager teenager when responding. Fall back and wait a few hours too. I don’t consider this

as game playing: it's simply giving him what he gave you.....time lapse.

Scenario #2: YOU text him and HE responds more than 24 hours later.

Answer: No! Don’t you lift one pretty manicured finger.

Why?: Ms. Honey, he’s not feeling you! Don’t even fall for the “I was busy” crap. He only returned

your text to be polite and keep you in his rotation.

Scenario #3: YOU ask him a question and HE doesn’t answer it when responding.

Answer: No!

Why?: This means he isn’t even remotely interested in keeping the conversation going. His mind is

elsewhere and yours should be at this point too.

Scenario #4: YOU call and HE texts you back.

Answer: Yes.

Why?: He may just be a little shy. Just remind him that you would rather hear his voice.

So there you have it ladies. No need to be in a quandary about this ever-changing “getting to know

a man’s” lifestyle. All of the signs are there. Lead with your brain and not with your emotions.

SMOOCHES!

www.SBPRA.com/SanyaHudson-Payne

What Are Some Sacrfices Women Make For Men?

As a successful woman in the 21^st Century, I can honestly say, the journey up to this point has been plagued with decision after decision. Some decisions were so difficult to make, they often made me depressed. And even when I professed my decision, there were times I belted it out in anger, frustration and unwillingness. So what sacrifices have women made? Here goes. And scene…….

1.      Accepting the Dream Job – There are times when women accept entry-level jobs knowing a promotion is inevitable and then BAM, when we’re asked to move up the corporate ladder we say, “No” because if we are a mother or wife, the family faces repercussions.

2.      Having More Children – What can we do when the “shop” is closed but he wants more children? 7 times out of 10 having more children affects our bodies and self-esteem.

3.      Relocating – In most cases if a man has his job relocated the whole family would move but if it is the woman, they might not necessarily move. She would find another job.

4.      Furthering her Education – When a woman has a baby, as beautiful as that may be, there is a hold on her studies.

5.      Appearance – This one is a superficial reality. She wants to be skinny with short hair and wear a particular color lipstick but he wants her with more meat on her bones, long hair and no make-up at all.

6.      Social Life – He hates your friends and forbids you to go out with them. To keep the peace in the relationship, she limits her girl-outings until at some point they become obsolete.

Women should choose to pursue the interests in which she is passionate about. When she doesn’t, it is denial of herself; the killing of her soul, not a sacrifice that she is making. If a woman does gather the courage to go against the expectation of her ‘sacrifices,’ she is immediately branded as selfish. Only very few women remain courageous and stand their ground and pursue their passion despite the resistance. To those women, I salute you. For those who haven’t found their courage, I encourage you. Smooches Dolls!

www.SBPRA.com/SanyaHudson-Payne

Misconceptions Women Have About Men

As a woman, I have participated in countless sister-girl circles where we have laughed at our experiences, cried or offered advice when discussing men. These rare moments offer solace to our experiences as we share our thoughts amongst true friends, ride-or-die women and often the dependable shoulder we seek when needing an outlet. You wouldn’t believe the misconceptions we put on the proverbial table to discuss. Here are a few. And scene………….

1.       When cheating it’s all her fault and not his.

Mature women who are confident in themselves know it’s totally his fault. Yeah, the woman may have pursued him, stroked his ego and tickled his fancy (literally) but at the end of the day, he decided to cheat. Mature women may have a conversation with the other woman, but trust and believe any meaningful conversations and actions will be reserved for HIM.

2.       Having fat pockets is equivalent to a generous heart.

Yes, he has money but that doesn’t mean he wants to spend it all on you. Sometimes women look at a man’s bank account and she begins to calculate all of the expensive things he is going to lavish her with. Not true. His money is his money and yours is yours; unless you’re married and I strongly suggest you work out all the financial details prior to saying, “I do.”

3.       When he says, “I love you” he means it.

Ladies, for those of you living in la-la-land, get closer to the screen so my right hand can smack you upside your gullible head. Be leery of men who are quick to profess their love. For some reason they think saying those three words will mean we will give them the nookie. Or, it may mean he is moving too fast and trying to make a commitment before you’re ready. Personal story:  I had a man tell me he loves me in one week. What was he after? Me! To him I was an unattainable prize and he wanted to see how quick he could get me and brag to his friends. Boy was he sorry he came up with that plan.

4.       All men are dogs.

No, they all aren’t dogs. Just the ones breathing LOL. Just joking. Ladies, all men are not dogs. We really need to stop judging them based on the bad experiences we’ve had in the past. Give each new encounter a clean slate. We don’t like to be judged and neither do they.

5.       He wants a submissive partner.

No! He just wants one who is willing to compromise. One who doesn’t nag and breathe fire when he makes a mistake.

6.       Men only want skinny women.

Some men may want a skinny woman however, many love women with curves; just not curves that blurs their vision. I have found most men don’t want a walking poster child for heart disease and high blood pressure due to obesity.

So ladies, am I right about our misconceptions regarding men? Men, did you know we assume these things about you? Now, get on back out there because the way relationships are going many women would rather eat ice cream. Matter of fact, we want to put the ice cream on you! LOL. SMOOCHES

www.SBPRA.com/SanyaHudson-Payne