Love? I'd Rather Eat Ice Cream

Hmmmmm. This is a crazy way to welcome myself to blogging. I'm confused and just finished drinking a glass of vodka without a chaser. I just hope I don't wake up tomorrow morning regretting anything I've written. Fuck it, I'm 40 and don't feel like calling any of my friends because that shit didn't work in my 20's and 30's so why would it work now? Plus, I don't feel like hearing advice from other single women who have become just as bitter and enraged as I am.

Anyway, here goes.......after years of believing my prince charming would come, I'd rather be emotionally withdrawn and date a different man every week just on the strength of....hell, he's paying, has a great job, loves his mother, provides for his 1 or 2 children (anything else and he can kiss my ass), and is the epitome of eye candy. Go ahead say it, "Sanya, aren't you being a bit superficial?" My response, "Who gives a shit? I'm 40. Wounded and working on healing. I might feel differently next month or even next year, but tonight the wounds are fresh and speaking for me. Any problems with that, read another blog!"

But seriously, I'm not the only woman feeling this way. Maybe some of you have embraced the man you love but I guarantee there was a night where you felt just the same as I do now. Admit it. On the outside looking in people would assume I would be married by now. My credentials would have the proverbial woman walking down the street and grabbing every available man by the balls, but that isn't the case. I'm 40, a mom of a teen, a twice published author, vice president of a publishing company, a radio and web show host, educator and professional event facilitator. Resume looks stellar but does that translate into a husband? Nope, the movie has played, credits are rolling and people are filing out of the theatre onto their next experience. Don't get me wrong, I do have my choice of men. I can pick up my Blackberry at any moment, scroll through my contacts and pick a man from every letter of the alphabet but they aren't the man for me!

I just read an article that said being smart isn't the reason women are single; it's having a successful career that makes women single. Really? There may be some truth to that. I do find it difficult to divide my time between work and a man but when I do find a man who I'm willing to give my time to, something just doesn't add up. I find myself more emotionally connected than him. So at this point, those experiences have made my well emotionally dry. I hate to think I'm becoming that woman who could care less about love and spends every waking minute focused on work, but it seems as if that unemotional diva has on her stilettos and is ready to take on that position full-time.

Tonight, the woman who just drank an entire glass of vodka with no chaser would rather eat ice cream than pick up the phone when the caller ID reads an interested man is calling. And guess what? That's just what I did. I fixed myself a double scoop of strawberry ice cream on a waffle cone and when I was done, decided to get up off my ass and stop procrastinating about writing this blog and just do it. So there you have it world......Love? I'd rather eat ice cream!! (drops mic and walks away)
www.SanyaHudsonPayne.com